Shattered Reflections
by VoldemortsLemming
Summary: He found himself hoping that she was still alive...  he lifted his head and stared back at the shattered reflection of himself, he wouldn't let that reflection describe his life anymore, he had waited in pain for five long years, not any longer...
1. Introduction

This was meant to be a one shot but I actually wrote another chapter, so I thought I would put it up on here as an ongoing story, seeing as I now have a plot of some kind.  
>Anyway this is like, the introductory chapter!<br>I've only just finished the game and I fell in love with Carth! ^_^

Anyway it is pretty mushy so you have been warned!

**Contains KotOR Spoilers from the very beginning!**

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><p>Freya sat back against the cold metal alcove that the beds on the ebon hawk where all encased in, it was small and ever so slightly cramped but she hadn't even noticed. As she drew her legs up and hugged them, a small tear made its silent journey down her cheek.<p>

_It was all a lie..._

_Her life had all been a lie..._

She wasn't Freya, she was the dark lord, Revan, and all the while she had been trying to follow the path of light, but how would she possibly be able to follow the light when her whole history was shrouded in pain and darkness, she was no longer her own person, she was a merely a replica, merely an artificial mind...

The tears came thick and fast as she remembered the things that had been said, how all the crew members... _her friends_... had talked about her, as if she hadn't even been standing there, ignoring her as she had stared blankly into space, Carth's words had stung the most, he had flipped, shouted at her as if it was all her fault , but it wasn't, she had no relocation of the war... the destruction that Revan..._ she_... had caused was something she had never seen, she had hated Reven along with everyone else, it wasn't her fault... _was it?_ She could still hear them, even though it had been hours since they had first discussed it, talking in hushed voices in the main control room, _talking about _her, she could hear Carth's voice raised higher than anyone else's.

"But don't you get it? She was responsible for the destruction of Telos, responsible for the death of... of my wife!"

"Calm yourself son..." Came the low, even voice of Jolie but even as he spoke these words, Carth interpreted him,

"How can I keep calm about this, we're travelling with Darth Revan! I swore to protect her... and... and I know she says she's changed but... how can we tell?... how can anyone tell..."

The rest of the conversation was cut short by the dormitory door slamming shut. She just hadn't been able to stop herself. She stood there, panting slightly by the force in which she had used to close the door remotely, she had concentrated the whole strength of her mind on it, causing the Hawk to rock ever so slightly. There was no way the rest of the crew couldn't have heard it, even if someone had been listening to Mission's music player on full volume! Revan, collapsed on her bed again, sobbing gently into her pillow, silently reciting the Jedi code in her mind,

_There is no emotion, there is only peace... there is no emotion, there is only peace... there is no emotion... no emotion..._

But that was just the problem, there _was _emotion, and there had been for some time now, ever since she had been rudely awakened on that fateful day by an unsuspecting republic soldier. It felt like years ago, but in reality only a few months had passed. She had only been aboard the Endar Spire for a few weeks when there had been an almighty crash and she had found herself being shaken roughly awake. But that wasn't when the emotions had started to really kick in. No, as a last minute recruit she had never actually met the commander, but even though it had been a blur of activity, she could still remember walking towards the escape pods, pretty much being bundled into one of them and then the ear-splitting headache that she had woken up to. But above all she remembered the commander himself, he had seemed so concerned about her... she could tell in his voice that he had been genuinely worried, something that she wasn't used to, and she could still remember the fluttering sensation that she had felt inside her somewhere when she had first looked into his face...

She had changed a lot since then of course, she had got to know Carth Onasi a lot more, she had found out about his problem trusting people because of what happened to his wife... but finally she had won his trust, and after the horrible fight with Saul he had promised...

Now she felt further away from him then ever, he would never be able to trust her after this... _can I even trust myself anymore?..._Her thoughts where suddenly interrupted as something heavy landed on her bed, causing her to sit up. It was only a small Gizka though, half the size of an adult one and it cooed at her, showing a large pink mouth. She smiled, no matter what other people thought of them, she thought they were cute, and she hadn't had the heart to rid the ship of them, even when she could've sold them to the newly reinstated zoo on Mannan. She put out a hand and stroked its surprisingly soft skin, it nuzzled her legs, pushing its nose into her lap as she wiped away her tears.

_I have to be strong, for my friends... I can't cry, It doesn't matter what I think... what I feel... I have to push away my emotions..._

She let that thought take over her mind, trying desperately to forget that she had been Revan, somehow the presence of the little Gizka made her feel a lot better. Just then the door opened slowly and the blue face of Mission Vao appeared through the crack.

"Hey there! Just thought you might like some company!" she said as she walked in,

"Do you trust me?" Revan said, before even saying hello, keeping her voice level, devoid of all emotion, but inside she just hoped... hoped...

"Like I said before, I don't see the dark lord standing here, I see a friend who's been with us through thick and thin!" Revan smiled at that response. She knew she had gone over this before but she wanted some clarity now, her mind had been completely crammed full of emotions and thoughts back then that she hadn't really taken any of it in at all.

"Thanks Mission, I know I can rely on you to understand!" Mission smiled at her,

"Well hey, its no big thing. When you've lived in Lower Taris for years you learn not to question people's past too much." Misson sat down on one of the chairs opposite that were sunk into the wall slightly too, then, after putting her head in her hands and leaning enthusiastically forward she asked the question that Revan had been dreading slightly.

"So... are you ok, I mean with Carth's reaction an all, you know..." Sometimes Mission wasn't the most tactful person, still Revan knew she needed to talk about it, but perhaps not quite yet...

"Well he was a bit harsh but... I'm fine about it, It's not as if what he says would have any influence over me or anything..."

"Aw cumon! I've heard the way you constantly ask his advice on things! And the look you give him sometimes, you would have to be blind not to notice there's a thing going on... oh yeah and not to mention the flirtatious talking..." she put her hands on her hips, lowing the tone of her voice " does,' I'm gunna put you over my knee and teach you a lesson' sound familiar?" She raised an eyebrow as Reven blushed, Mission was a great friend and companion, always voicing her mind, creating amusing moments that came as a breath of fresh air in amongst the darkness of the last few months, Revan couldn't be angry with her, although she did try by putting on her best annoyed voice and placing her hands on her hips also,

"You've been listening to our conversations?"

"I only heard _that _bit! I was gunna fetch my music player out of the cockpit but when I heard that I left again!"

"Look, it wasn't what it sounded like ok?"

"Sounded pretty kinky to me!"

"Well it wasn't... Danmit, who am I kidding!" Revan laughed slightly, giving in, "Ok, so I have feelings for him, is that so wrong?"

"Weeell, you're a jedi, doesn't that mean you're not supposed to..."Mission asked, leaving the question hanging in the air for a moment,

"That's why it can never go anywhere, and anyway he would never want to, I mean, not after finding out... that I'm... I'm Revan!" She hung her head,

"Joeli told me love isn't something to be feared, he said the Jedi have got it wrong, it's passion that can lead to the dark side but love... it should be embraced, you know!" Mission smiled at her, "And anyway, I'm sure he will come around to your real identity sooner or later, it's not as if he can get away from it anymore then you can, and then he will see you're not Revan anymore, you're a good person!"

"You really think?"

"Well yeah!"

"Thanks Mission!"

"Hey no probs, I'm always here, you know!"

Revan sighed and lay down on her bed, "I think I'm going to get some shuteye if you don't mind, it might help me relax!" Revan turned over as Mission left, something inside of her couldn't believe she had just taken love advice from a 14 year old kid... 

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><p>Carth was up late again, the rest of the crew had gone to bed ages ago but he couldn't sleep even if he wanted to. So instead he had gone to sit in his pilots chair, looking out at the stars, finding comfort in them, it was a fact that he had noticed long ago, <em>'no matter what changed in the universe, they always stayed the same'<em>. About an hour passed as he just sat there, arms crossed, lost in his thoughts, when he heard a small creaking coming from one of the other rooms, then a small red light on the control panel in front of him blinked, telling him that the food storage had been opened, a few seconds the light blinked off again. Cursing under his breath, he got up and headed towards the storage room,

"Damn Gizka..."

When he got there however there wasn't a Gizka in sight and that was a worse sign, it meant that he would now have to search the ship for the little critter, before it gave birth to thousands of babies... Shame...And they had finally managed to patch up the hole in the cargo hold too...

Half an hour later he stormed back into the cockpit, he had searched high and low and there wasn't a single Gizka in sight, he hadn't been in the best of moods before this happened but now...

It wasn't until he went to sit back down that he noticed there was a unmistakeable female form sitting in his seat, she was wearing red pjs with white embroided hearts and her auburn hair was out of her, too familiar hair tie, flowing over her shoulders like a cascading waterfall. Carth had never really seen her like this before, as the men and women had their own dormitories at opposite ends of the ship after much insisting from Bastela, (apparently it just wasn't _right_ for men in their 30s to share a room with a 14 year old...) and Revan was particularly good at getting dressed _before _breakfast. She turned around, jumping,

"I didn't think anyone was awake..." "What are you doing up at this time..." they both said at the same time, they paused, then started again...

"Hey don't worry you can have your seat back..." "Hey no don't get up I was just..." Again they talked over each other, there was an awkward moment when Revan stood up and tried to move around the chair and Carth took a step forwards at the same time, silence fell across the room as they noticed that their bodies where touching, then,

"I'm sorry I was just... uh..." "Oh um... sorry about that," "I'll just leave you alone..." "I'll be off to bed now then..." they paused again, finally, Revan smiled which slowly turned into a twinkly laugh that sparkled through the room, immediately ridding the awkwardness that had spread through the air, Carth couldn't help but chuckle too, it wasn't often she laughed and it was a pretty sound. Revan moved out of the way and looked down slightly, her hair fell over her face, hiding her blush, then she spoke,

"I guess you couldn't sleep either huh?" Carth nodded,

"Yeah it must be the... uh... Solar storm brewing somewhere..." Revan turned to go but Carth grabbed her arm, she spun around to face him, her pale face looking up at him,

"Was there something you wanted Carth?" her voice was smooth and quiet with no hint of emotion, but her face told a different story, her lips where turned down, her eyes crying out with pain...

"I uh... you don't have to go if you don't want to... I wouldn't mind some uh... company, you know!" He scratched the back of his neck nervously, letting go of her arm at the same time, Revan smiled,

"You've spent too much time around Mission, saying 'you know' after every sentence, you know." she sat down in the co pilot's chair as he also sat down, moments passed but it felt like decades to them both. Carth didn't look at her, he couldn't bring himself to look into the face who had brought about so much pain in the universe, it just, didn't fit, it didn't make sense that the Dark Lord of the Sith... the evilest woman alive... Revan... could be so enthrallingly beautiful...

It felt like an age before either of them spoke, then,

"No matter what you think... what anyone thinks, Revan is gone Carth, I'm really desperately sorry about what happened to your planet and... and family. If I could do anything, anything at all to erase the pain that so many people suffered under Revan's command I would willingly do it but... but I don't know what I can do... what I can do to gain your trust again..." Revan hadn't turned around as she said this, she just kept staring straight ahead, looking out at the stars but Carth couldn't mistake the small tear that sparkled in the light as it trickled down her small features. The familiar feeling spread through his body again, he wanted to hold her, protect her from the darkness, never let her go, and a few days ago he had been ready to mention something to her but now though... How could he protect her... _Revan_. It seemed to go against everything he had learnt over the years, his head was screaming that it wasn't right, but his heart... his heart just couldn't help feeling sorry for her, he admired her more then anybody, after all she had been through she had taken it all on the chin, never once complaining. She seemed so small and fragile but she was so very strong inside, _stronger then I was..._

Even after finding out that she had once been the dark lord, and that the Jedi had re-established her mind, her very identity, even after all that, which was as much reason as she needed not to trust any one of them on this ship... she was still talking to him, him and everyone, even Bastela, she _still _trusted them. Now she turned to face him and he could see that she _wanted _to talk to him, he couldn't take it anymore, he couldn't help but listen to his heart, as Jolie often advised. He took a deep breath, it was cool and he could feel it flowing down his throat and into his lungs, filling him with courage,

"Revan, I'm sorry for everything I said to you, you... you didn't deserve..." His voice was quiet and he felt embarrassed that it had been so hard to apologize to her. She didn't look at him, she didn't seem to move at all so he continued, "I can't hate you," he said. "I tried... I wanted to hold you responsible for all the things you've done. For my... for my wife, for Telos... for Dustil. But I can't."

"I'm glad to hear that." Was her only words, they where emotionless but it spurred him on, to know that she wanted to hear what he had to say was a comfort, he knew he owed her an explanation,

"I got the revenge I always wanted when Saul died, but it hasn't brought me the peace that I thought it would. All I can think of now is the promise I made to protect you," he faltered slightly but continued, "from... from what's going to come. It's given me a reason to look past simple revenge." He looked at her and finally she turned to face him, her dark hair falling down around her face, her brown eyes glistening in the starlight, he swallowed, but now that he had started it didn't seem so hard,

"Despite whatever part of Revan is inside you, the... the darkness that must surely be there, it isn't who you are. That's why I can't hate you, why I don't want any more revenge. You don't have to be Revan; you can be so much more. Whatever the Jedi did to you, they gave you that chance." She nodded once, it was a slow, painful nod, but it gave him the confidence to continue,

"You have this huge destiny waiting for you, and I just fear that if you're alone it could swallow you whole. I mean, is there room in there for me? Will you let me help you?" He let his words hang in the air, he had no idea how she would take it but he just hoped...

"I don't want you hurt protecting me, Carth." Her voice was quiet, almost as if she was unsure of herself, unsure of what that might imply, there was feeling in her words, a feeling that he wasn't used to hearing but he had to reassure her,

"I think I would be hurt worse if I didn't try."

"Carth—"

"Whatever's happened up until this point," he blurted out, interrupting her, "there's going to come a time very soon where you're going to have to make a choice. And there won't be any turning back."

"How… How could you possibly help me?" her voice wavered as she said this, it hadn't been a question to him, and he knew it just by the way she stared out at the stars as if in a trance, but he couldn't let her mind make its own conclusions...

"I want you to make the right choice. I want to give you a reason to."

"And if I make the wrong choice?"

"Well then, I hope I can save you... From yourself."

"Carth, I—"

"You gave me a future, I want to give you a future, too... with me." He took a deep breath, "I think I could love you, if you give me the chance." He released the air, he had finally said it, he had finally told her how he felt. It had been a feeling he had wanted to ignore, he had felt like he had been betraying Morgana, but he came to realise, this was how she would've wanted it, she wouldn't have ever wanted to see him so lonely, trapped in a spiral of despair and the longer he had stayed with Revan, the more he knew he couldn't push this new found hope away. When he had been searching for Saul it had been easy to focus on something else, but now this was it, and he wouldn't let the opportunity go, he waited patiently for the reply. The silence that followed his words seemed like years, and all he had was hope, hope that she felt the same, for he just couldn't imagine his future without her in it... She turned towards him, the tears had gone, and a small smile spread across her face, then, almost a whisper escaped from her lips. Carth held his breath as he leant in closer to hear them. They where the most beautiful words he had heard in a long time,

"I… I think I could love you, too."


	2. Chapter 1

This is the second chapter, well the first chapter after the introduction. I dunno I was just rolling with it. ;) 

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><p>That had been 5 years ago. 5 painful years Admiral Carth had been waiting, never once giving up hope, but now, as he stared upon the battered shape of the Ebon Hawk, memories where coming back to him. He would've done anything for her, to the point of giving his life for her, but this, this was the most painful and the hardest thing he had ever even dreamt about doing. Even though it had been years, he could still smell the fresh appley fragrance of Revan's long, dark hair...<p>

He stepped onto the Ebon Hawk for the first time in 4 years, he was greeted with the ever so familiar metallic smell. As he moved about the ship, memories came flooding back to him, each room had its own memory, each room its own past. He placed a hand, slowly on the controls in the cockpit, he could feel the grooves, the little indents that he had once known so well, caressing his fingertips. There were new dents too, the keys where worn down so that there was a little dip in the middle of each one, he gathered that must have been the new pilot's doing, he had heard things about this 'Atton Rand' that didn't quite tie in with the republic's flying methods, apparently he would press the same buttons over and over again... not all the time, only when things went wrong... of course...

_Buts that's not how you treat a ship, she only goes wrong because of a folly of the pilot... _he moved the gearstick slightly, smiling at the way it jolted , the way that you had to overcompensate for 7th gear, but under compensate for the 3rd gear... Suddenly a strange madness took him, maybe it was because he had spent so much time away from the Hawk, or perhaps he just wanted to go search for Revan himself, or maybe he had been stuck as Admiral Carth for too long, the quick decision making, the responsibility of thousands of lives weighing down on him like a tonne of bricks, perhaps he just wanted to be free from all that. Even he didn't know why he had done it himself, all he knew was that he had done it... He had started the engines.

_'Its ok... it's fine,' _he told himself,_'I only want to hear them humming again, that's all, then I'm going to turn them off again...'_

The Exile and her friends had all disembarked the Hawk while docked at the republic vessel, they had been looking for supplies... they wouldn't be back for ages, Carth knew that from experience...

The low rumbling of the engines comforted him, it brought back the memory of Revan's face... _Her beautiful face..._ all the times when the ebon Hawk had been under attack... _Her face_... the determined look upon her face as she ran to the guns, only to reappear a few minute later, panting,

"It is done, they're gone!" She would then glance over at him, perhaps she had thought he didn't see her looking but he had, it was a look to see if he was happy with her efforts... He could still remember the look on her face when they had taken off from the Star Forge, it had been a bumpy lift off, but he had had just enough time to glance over his shoulder at Revan, who always stood behind him, he remembered her surprised expression as she had jolted backwards into the wall. He had been heart-stricken with worry all the time he was flying the ship away from the Star Forge, but he remembered with a small chuckle how she wouldn't admit she had been hurt, even when he caught her limping and clutching her side, she would immediately straighten up, no matter how much pain it obviously caused her. She had always been headstrong, determined not to be weak in front of her friends. He also remembered kissing her better the first chance he had got, it had escalated into their first passion filled night, full of soft memories that lifted his heart on angels wings...

Suddenly he found himself in the pilots chair once again, grabbing the controls, the Ebon Hawk was lifting, slowly gliding upwards and outwards into the wide expanse of space,

"Ok fine," he whispered softly to the Hawk, "I'll fly you one last time, but only around the republic fleet and back again, understand?" The ship seemed to like him being back at the controls and, almost like an excitable old dog, seeing its master again after a holiday, it leapt into action, with some heaving and groaning and the occasional clang.

"Calm down old gal, I know it's been a while but..." he stopped short as a red light flashed on the dashboard, he stared at it,

**AUTO PIOLT**

He must have hit the auto pilot button by mistake...

"Damn..." He hit it again, nothing happened, the light on the dashboard didn't turn off, now the ship had started flying... _away_from the republic fleet, Carth cursed loudly and tried the controls, nothing worked, she was on auto pilot alright. He hit the button again, this time with as much strength that he could muster, but he accomplished nothing apart from a bruised hand, he swore,

"Damnit Hawk, put me back on my ship! I have responsibility's now, you can't just... oh no you don't!" He threw his whole body at the controls, hoping to hit something, anything that would stop the ship from going into hyperdrive, but despite the painful efforts, he didn't succeed.

If an airship could laugh this one most certainly was.

She entered hyperspace with a series of juddery movements, sounding suspiciously like an evil cackle,

'_What has Atton been doing to yo...'_

_Never, _under any circumstances, be unstrapped during the first stages of hyperdrive, this had been one of the first rules he had been taught in his army training, and he had never tried breaking it, until now... The force of the jump threw him against the wall, then, as the ship tumbled and rocked in the most unusual way, he was thrown to one side, then the next, he felt like he was in their old washing machine at home, not only was he being thrown around he also felt like something unearthly was cleansing him, it was the odd stretched feeling that any hyperspace travel does to the human body. Amongst the turmoil he managed to jam his feet into a crack along the side of the control panel, placing his hands around two random levers that he had never found a use for, he finally stabilised himself, only for a few seconds though, then they promptly came off in his hands and he was painfully thrown backwards. He would've gone flying had it not been for his jammed feet, instead he hit the floor with a loud 'smack!', his head swam, he could see more memories flooding back, Revan laughing, the Endar Spire, seeing her for the first time, watching her thrash in her sleep, all the while wishing he could do something to help. Then he could remember Revan leaving him, she smiled at him as she walked slowly up the ramp into the Hawk,

_"...Goodbye flyboy! I'll be back soon, I promise...Goodbye... I Promise... Back soon... Flyboy..." _The words reverberated around his brain, the pain he felt as he watched the Hawk set off, it had been like there was a piece of him attached to her, and it was ripping as she flew away, ripping out of his heart..._The pain!  
><em>

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><p>Colours... Blue...Green... Red... Yellow... Purple... Red... Pink... Orange... Blue... Purple...Yel... White!<p>

...There was no noise, either that or his ears had stopped working... No wait... Something was humming gently in the background... The republic engines... His head was screaming with pain... Damn Nightmares... Just five more minutes... Any moment now I'll hear the wakeup call anyway... I suppose I had better get up... Too many jobs... I have to keep up at it... for Revan's sake... Revan... _Revan!_

He opened his eyes, and noticed straight away that something wasn't right, he wasn't on his bunk for starters, and secondly there was a sticky red substance flowing around his head... _Have I fallen out of bed?... _But as his vision became clear he noticed he wasn't even in his room, he was in a cockpit of some kind... Then it all flooded back to him, the Hawk, hyperspace, the floor coming ever so close to his face... too close...

He groaned and sat up, clutching his wounded head, it had a big bruise that was oozing blood and spreading through his hair, matting it, as he tried to stand he felt like someone had shot him with a liquefier blaster, his legs shook, he cursed as he used the wall to support his shaking journey to the ships washroom. As he rinsed his face and hair, he looked up briefly at the, now broken mirror hanging on the wall, as his reflection stared back at him he noticed how 5 years had taken their toll on him. His face looked worn, and a few more lines had popped up, adding to the stressed look. He wondered what Revan looked like now...

Suddenly he noticed something pushed into the cracks in the mirror, it looked like someone had punched it while holding something and it had got stuck in a crack. He walked over and groped around for a few seconds, after a minute he removed his hand holding a small, crushed datapad, curious he turned it on, not even expecting it to work, to his surprise though, it did. His heart skipped a beat, the writing was unmistakable, Revan had written this note... Forgetting all about his injured head he started to read;

_Exile, I know you have my ship, please return it to me at the first opportunity, I urgently need to get off this planet, they're holding me hostage, I was only able to write this while they are away, preparing for the attack... Please, I don't wish to fight with you and this is my last datapad, please, I'm begging you! I can't even begin to explain the torture equipment, every waking day I wish it was my last, but they keep me alive, though I have no idea why, I am useless to them, I don't even know the answers to their questions even if I wanted to tell. But I would never betray the whereabouts of all those I love, my friends, please exile, you are my only hope, for I know my ship will print this datapad automatically as soon as I finish writing , you know where to find me, please hurry, for I fear for the safety of those I love, I have to warn them..._

Carth's fist came down upon the wash basin with a loud crack, but he didn't feel it. He felt sick, the exile had lied to him, she had said she had no idea where Revan was. But the thing that hurt the most was the fact that Revan was captured... being tortured and he could do nothing to help on a ship that had already set its course. If Revan was so desperate that she had resorted to _begging_, then what in the universe must it _actually _be like!Tears streamed down his face,

"Revan, beautiful... Why did you have to leave..." It hurt him, he just wanted to find her, save her from whatever fate these 'people' had in store for her... He picked up the datapad that had fallen to the floor in his moment of fury, he checked the date that was displayed beneath the message, he almost choked, this had been sent _five months ago!_

He found himself hoping, hoping against hope that she was still alive... He willed her to hold on... Just a few days longer... He would find a way off this rouge ship. His fist closed around the datapad, his jaw set in determination, he lifted his head and stared back at the shattered reflection of himself, he wouldn't let that reflection describe his life anymore, he had waited in pain for five long years, not any longer,

"Hang in there beautiful, I'm coming for you!"


	3. Chapter 2

Well here is the next chapter, I wrote it like weeks ago but I have been a little worried about putting it up because I'm not sure how my idea will go down. And also because I'm not that well acquainted with the Force, to me its still a bit of a mystery as to what it actually is and what its capable of. But yeah that's why, to some of you massive star wars fans who know everything, that's why the force-bit it might not make any sense...

Then again it might not make any sense anyway because I'm rubbish at explaining things! ;P

Please tell me what you think about my idea anyway!

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><p>Canderous looked over at Revan, he had always admired her for her strength and courage, she would fight with unfeeling force and that was something not found often in women. It was power, fighting was what brought the true person out into the open, fighting is what showed your strength, and what you <em>Really <em>believed in. He had fought alongside Revan for a long time, and never once had she failed, never once had she given up her ideals, never once broken. Even now, even though she was almost gone, hanging onto life by merely a thread she was still headstrong and determined. He admired her more then he would ever say. As he watched, holding the shattered door open, she pulled herself up to a standing position using the stump of a long dead tree, then limped to the door,

"Ok, I'm in, " her voice came out thin and quiet, but inside he could still hear the burning passion that drove her forwards. Her pale face turned upwards towards his own, he winced slightly, her eyes where set back into her face, their shine had long gone, they where now just hallow holes that seemed to lead into a never ending canyon, her skin was stretched over her skull so tightly that it looked almost inhuman, each cheek had one long scar that stretched from her ears down to her cracked lips.

Her body wasn't in much better a condition. When they had first arrived the... the creatures... had striped them both down to their underwear, at first he had found it difficult to see her like this, her body was the most beautiful shape, it was slim, but underneath the soft, fragile appearance there was the strength of any good Mandalorian warrior, everything seemed to curve in all the right places... Now though her ribs where visible through her white skin, her legs looked so thin they would snap off, and in the open wounds around her ankles and wrists he could see bone, encrusted with dried blood. The purple bruises that covered her body where infected, swollen and puffed up, oozing liquids through the gaps between the crusty scabs. Her back was just a mess where the whip had lashed at her over and over again.

He knew that he didn't look any better however.

It had taken them months to work out this plan of escape, it had not been easy to communicate at first, but once they had been placed in opposite cells, they had spoken every night, during the watch rotation. This was where their captors would change guards, giving them a few minutes in which to hastily whisper a few hushed words. Finally though, they had taken action. It was ritual night, which meant all the 'people' had gone down to Mother Core, it gave them the chance that they had needed. Revan had started it, using the tiny spark of force that she could muster to break the chains and open the locks, it had almost finished her off but she had held on somehow, muttering the same words over and over again,

"_I have to say goodbye... I have to say goodbye... I have to say goodbye... I can't leave without saying goodbye...I promised I would come back... I can't leave withou..."_

In the end it had been a tiny little place that they had eventually found, a small abandoned hut, miles from the compound, but they had somehow found the strength to make it there before dawn. Now they both half stumbled, half fell into the two wooden chairs that where the only furniture in the room, gasping for air, only to breath in the stale, rotten stuff that the whole planet was encased in, it stung their lungs and dried their already parched throats, Revan closed her eyes,

She could see the light, drawing ever closer, she quickly opened her eyes again, she wouldn't let the light reach her... not yet anyway... the only way she had survived this long had been to focus the whole of her spirit on the one thought, _I have to say goodbye to Carth, I can't leave without saying goodbye... _It filled her every second, her whole life was saying goodbye, there was nothing else, she didn't see her surroundings anymore, she couldn't hear anything, all she saw was Carth's face, his eyes filled with tears as she had walked away from him.

It had been the most heart wrenching moment, but she had had to do it, the force drew her... she couldn't deny it, couldn't fight it... and she knew that wherever she would be heading, it would be painful, she just couldn't let that happen to Carth... She couldn't let the force take him too... He might not be able to fight it like she could...

She wouldn't be able to live with herself...

Now she wasn't living with herself...

She was hanging on for dear life...

* * *

><p>Canderous Ordo opened his eyes; the light from the small moon that orbited the planet was shining spookily through the cracks in the wooden wall, the colour an eerie yellow that made everyone look green, it reminded the Mandalorian of the streetlamps on Lower Taris.<p>

After the long sleep he felt refreshed and relaxed, but he knew that the creatures would notice that they were gone, especially with Revan's strong connection to the Force because they seemed to be feeding off the Force... Canderous didn't quite understand, he didn't think Revan did either but it didn't matter, all that mattered now was that they found some weapons, because the creatures would surely come looking for them and they had to be prepared for when they did.

Revan stirred also, her eyes flickered open, she looked exhausted but her eyes had some light in them, it was only the smallest flicker, but to the Mandalorian it was as bright as the sun, shining out in this dark world. He knew it was the Force, now that they where away from the creatures she could feel it again. _What had she been doing here? _He wasn't sure.

He had been travelling with the Jedi Exile when she had approached him in private, she had told him that she couldn't tell anyone else because they wouldn't understand, she had said that if she did say something they would try and take over the mission and go back. She had then mentioned many things, but the most alarming of them all was when she had told him that she actually knew where Revan was, despite everything she had told the other companions. Canderous had challenged her, saying that she should go back and find Revan, he never believed in weakness, and if it had been anyone else he would've left them to find their own way out of the mess, however, something about Revan had always inspired him.

She had been the strongest person he had ever reckoned with, always fighting her corner for good, and even though he didn't quite agree with everything she said, he just couldn't accept that this incident was down to weakness alone. If she was finding if difficult then it must be almost impossible, and that just wasn't fair for her to undertake alone. The Mandalorian way was to always fight in numbers and this wasn't much of an exception, besides, he knew where his loyalties lay, and he would never abandon them, especially not for such a strong minded woman, someone who could easily beat to a pulp many of his best Mandalorian warrior's... He knew that Revan had told him to prepare the Mandalorians for a coming war, but that had been years ago, something wasn't right and he couldn't just stand around and do nothing.

He remembered leaving the group and flying off to the small planet that the Exile had mentioned. Before he had landed however, his ship had started malfunctioning and it had switched to autopilot, guiding him down to land in the middle of the compound. The rest had been a blur, he had been heavily outnumbered and something had knocked him out.

He wasn't proud of it.

Now perhaps he could still redeem himself, if he could get himself off this planet, and he knew that he would need Revan's help for that. The only thing that stood in his way were thousands of unknown creatures, still, he had never let a bunch of ugly aliens defeat him before and he wasn't about to break the habit. Revan, it seemed, wasn't either.

"I think..." She croaked, "I think we should figure out a way to defeat them before they find us!" she got up off the floor where she had fallen in her sleep due to the ever present nightmares, "These creatures... I'm not sure what it is but... when I first got here, I thought they were feeding off the force, using it as food and fuelling their Mother Core, but now... now I can see it differently, these, these, _things, _they don't seem to have any physical matter at all, that's what had been worrying me, and now, now that I'm away from them, and that compound, I can see things a lot clearer."

She looked at Canderous, her eyes that had, only a few hours ago, been glazed over, now ablaze, her small mouth shaping into a smile, the first one he had seen in months, somewhere inside of him a weight lifted as if he had been worried about her, in more ways than one... Canderous quickly dismissed the thought and turned back to Revan, noticing again how thin she looked...

"These strange species," She continued, "they have no physical bodies, they don't seem to be made of matter at all..."

"Look lady, I've seen them, they have bodies just like you and me, OK so they are completely grey, but they're solid enough, how..."

Once upon a time he would've challenged her, told her that she was losing it, but now was different, he had a lot of respect for Revan and she had proved more then once that when she didn't seem to be making much sense to other people, she actually showed she had been more on top of the situation then anyone. She was also giving him the Look, the look of '_Don't doubt me, just let me explain!'_

"It's not real, it's only a fake body, a hologram if you like, only they use the force to sustain it. Before, when we were in the compound all I could hear was screaming, it filled my very brain, my soul, it was like the force inside of me was trying to escape." There was a sadness in these words, as if it was too painful to talk about, she continued however.

"Somewhere deep inside of this planet there is something screaming out to it, and the Force inside of me was trying to help it. It took over my every thought, I couldn't focus on anything else except the pain of my soul ripping from my body. Whenever I saw these creatures, I could sense there was something wrong about them but, but my mind was so overwhelmed that I couldn't see what it was. Now I think back though, it's all clear..." Her voice was stronger now, and she rushed her words, like she had been trying to get them out before, but something had been stopping her.

"These creatures, they're not _feeding _on the Force, they _are _the Force! They are shadows of people who had died... people who had been extremely Force sensitive, all those Sith and Jedi that where killed, their souls became 'One With The Force.' Before I thought it was just a romantic way of saying how they were at peace in death but... no... I think... I think that the force filled their lives so much when they were alive, that some of it got left over when they died and... and it enables their souls to live, or at least walk around as if they were living. They are souls that are connected too strongly to the Force, they didn't know where to go so they... they came here, pulled by the screaming of Mother Core."

Revan gasped, as she said this, apparently she had been thinking out aloud. "Surely this means that... well all the great Sith lords are here somewhere... the ones who where particularly strong in the Force, but they don't have independent thought, they can't have..." Canderous was confused, a question had been niggling at the back of his mind all the time she had been explaining,

"If what you're saying is correct then... why did they imprison us and why where they trying to find the location of your companions? And who built the compound? They can't have done that if they can't think!" Canderous tried to get his mind around the idea that none of the Sith they had killed, none of them had really died properly... not even Malik. Revan shook her head at his words,

"I... I don't know..." She sighed, "but there must be someone... or something that is controlling them, bending them to their will, it's the only explanation... All we need to know now is why!"

* * *

><p>Don't worry, in the next chapter we will be going back to Carth, I know you're all dying to hear from him again!<p>

Please let me know what you thought about the force people, and if I explained it well enough and if it would even work or am I just getting a little bit _too _wacky!


	4. Chapter 3

OK so I only just wrote this, I guess it is quite short but then it makes reading a little easier, and I can break it down into chunks.

And also I was itching to upload!

* * *

><p><em>"Carth?" Her voice was quiet but yet it reverberated around the large bedroom, Carth turned around and spotted Revan at the door, the soft glow from the living room lamp silhouetting her perfectly in the doorway and casting her shadow down the room, he sat up, pushing the covers off and reaching for his dressing gown,<em>

_"What's wrong beautiful?"_

_"I need to talk to you." The urgency in her voice was so unnerving that he had stood up and crossed the room without a second thought, clutching her in his arms. He hadn't been able to sleep anyway, the fact that she hadn't wanted to come to bed had bothered him, but she had told him to sleep without her and that had bothered him more. He kissed her neck, running his fingers through her soft hair, but she pushed him away and brushed passed, sitting down on the bed,_

_"What's, this about babe?" He asked, his voice filled with concern as he sat down next to her, noticing how the light from the moon outside their top floor apartment lit up one half of her face, making it look ghostly white,_

_"Carth, I can't stay here any longer..." She didn't look at him as she said this, instead she turned to the large, floor-to-ceiling window, gazing out, lost in thought,_

_"If you want to move, we can, this is only temporary anyway, you shouldn't be worried abou..."_

_"No, it's not about the flat... Its... its beautiful, a place any girl would dream of..."_

_"Then what is it you want?" He asked, confused by her answer, she turned to face him,_

_"I have to leave, I have to go. There's something... Something I have to do..."_

_"Babe, anywhere you want to go, anywhere at all, you just let me know and I'll fly us there... Just say the word..."_

_"No."_

_"No?"_

_"No, this time I go alone, I have to." Carth's eyes opened wide,_

_"But, you, you can't, loads of the Sith are still out there looking for you, they know what you've done, they know you deserted them, they will stop at nothing to kill you." Carth knew this was true, but he also knew that this wasn't entirely the reason why he didn't want her to leave alone, he knew she could handle herself, but he just couldn't imagine being alone again._

_"The Sith don't worry me anymore Carth, without Malik they are crippled." She faced him and he knew she was right, she knew the Sith better than anyone else in the whole republic, "I know how the Sith work and they must have a leader, they don't believe in equals, they will be fighting each other to become the new leader for some time now."_

_"Look, I swore to protect you, no matter what," he said kindly, placing a hand on her shoulder, "and I will willingly follow you into battle against whatever enemy you have and I know there will be a lot out there, but how can I forfill that if you don't let me?"_

_"Carth, It's not that I don't appreciate what you do for me, but there's something, something I did before, and now I have to face it, I have to put it right. I have unleashed something upon this world and now... It's up to me to stop it,"_

_"But we're a team now Revan, you can't just abandon us, I know it's a noble thing you want to do but you can't be serious, you can't seriously think that we're not good enough to face whatever it is you unleashed."_

_"No, I know you're all capable, it's just, you'll be needed at the right time, do you understand what I mean?" Her voice pleaded with him to understand,_

_"Revan?" Carth said, looking her deep into her eyes, "Please, I know it hurts but I need to know, what did you unleash?"_

_"I...I... I don't know," the strong spirited woman that the admiral had grown to know and love, turned away her voice cracking, then she faced him again, her voice becoming determined, "but you must trust me, you and our friend's time will all come, but I sense that it will not be with me, not... not yet. The Republic needs you, it needs you more than I do."_

_Carth's heart sank but he tried to smile, he had noticed that he was shaking slightly, finally he had found something, something to hold, to love, finally he had believed that truly, truly he could continue with life how it was meant to happen. But just as destiny had brought them together, it was tearing them apart, it had teased him with what it could be like, but that was all it had been, just a glimmer, just a temptation, and in the end all dreams must come to an end..._

_"If... If anything happens to you, I will never be able to forgive myself!" He muttered. Suddenly Revan threw her arms around him, her head landing upon his chest in a flurry of feathery hair,_

_"I'll be back, I promise," she whispered into his ear, "will you'll wait for me? No matter what?" He brought himself to smile as he held her close, but inside his heart was screaming,_

_"You know I will beautiful."_

* * *

><p>Five years...<p>

The control panel bleeped in front of him, warning the pilot that they were getting close to their target, Carth Onasi opened his eyes, waking from his recurring dream, more a memory then anything. She seemed further away than ever now as he sat in front of the controls in the cockpit of the rouge ship. He glanced over at the co- pilot's chair, aware of the empty hole that had filled the space Revan had left behind. She should be at his side, and his hers, he had just wanted to make her happy, and if that meant putting her mind at ease then he would do it for her, no matter the pain it caused underneath.

He had thought that over time the pain would cease, like it had with his wife, but it was still there, stronger than ever, and every night Revan had haunted his dreams, for five years... And now it had been confirmed, she had come to harm and there was nothing he could do but sit back and wait, it was the ultimate test of character and strength of mind and he knew he couldn't fail her, he had to be strong...

Suddenly something came into view in the distance, a great shape loomed out of the darkness and as it drew closer he recognised it,

_Why was the ship heading to Mannan?_

He didn't wait to find out, he leapt out of his seat and dashed to the central chamber, hitting the comlink button with an urgency that had been welling up inside him for days now. He waiting, holding his breath in anticipation, finally the green light lit up and the large hologram of Mannan appeared, hovering in the middle of the circular control panel. Carth sighed in relief, he knew just who to call... As he punched in her code he hoped that this teen hadn't got a new communicator, something told him she wasn't the kind to care about that sort of thing.

"Well hey there Carth, what happened to you, you look so old!" Mission laughed,

"Hey... look here Mission, I don't need this right now, besides I don't look as different as you do since we last met up!" he was right, when they had said goodbye to the plucky Twi'lek she had only been 14, now however, five years had really changed her.

At 19 Mission no longer looked like a little girl, her body had really filled out properly and she had grown taller as well, although Carth noticed she didn't seem to be one for fancy clothes as she was still wearing the black bands around her head-tails, and he could see her distinctive rouge outfit through the hologram that had appeared, although this time it was slightly more figure hugging.

"Yeah, I guess you haven't changed as much as me, you always did look old... I'm just kidding ya!" she said defensively as he frowned, "what is ya want? Have you and Revan _finally _come to visit me and Big Z?" There was a faint hurt tone to her last words, inside her heart had ached, longing to see her friend again, it had been years and there hadn't even been a message, she would've marched straight into the nearest spaceship and flown right over to their door, demanding an explanation if it hadn't been for the friendly Wookie,

_"If she wants to see you she will let you know," _he had growled_, "she's found love Mission, and perhaps she wants to settle down, start afresh..."_ Now as she watched Carth with a growing suspicion, anger rose inside of her again. He scratched the back of his neck uncomfortably, Mission could see a moment of pain cross his face,

"I guess my messages didn't get through... Mission... Revan's gone..."

The Twi'lek felt taken aback,

"You mean you've split up... or... worse..."

"No Mission don't be stupid, she left to sort out... something from her past, she didn't say what it was but she wouldn't rest until it was taken care of, and, she said it was important that she did it alone... That was five years ago, I tried to contact you but things are different now I'm admiral, there's, there's hardly time for anything and obviously there has been a break in the link we set up..."

"But yet you still have time to go gallivanting around the universe in that old spaceship? Surely the Republic didn't send you off in that old thing you know?"

"No Mission, this isn't what it looks like, I have no control over this thing, someone brought it to my fleet and I couldn't resist looking inside again after all these years, and then... You're not going to believe this but it... It kidnapped me!" Mission snorted,

"You're telling me that a _ship _kidnapped you? Aren't you meant to be the best pilot in the galaxy or something? Surely you can control that thing? Or have you gone barmy with old age?"

"Look Mission, would you stop with the insults and trust me," he growled, getting more and more frustrated,

"That's rich of you to ask someone else to trust you when you spent the whole of our mission having a go at Revan, don't try and deny it, I was there half the time remember?"

"Mission please don't dredge up the past! This is important, I'm not trying to say that I'm proud of what I said, but try and take this seriously, this ship is about to land, I'm not sure where but once I get the coordinates I'll send them to you via this comlink, I'll meat you and Zalbar, if he can spare some time, by the ship."

"Fine, but you have a lot of explaining to do when I see you!" Mission's face faded into nothing, Carth hadn't expected such a frosty reception, but then again, it was Revan they had followed, it was Revan they had all loved, and she had been the one who had kept them all together. As Carth strapped himself into the pilot's chair, preparing for the landing, he hoped that he would be able to manage to reunite everyone without her help this time.


End file.
